A few years ago when I started getting into metal, Opeth were one of my favourite bands to begin with.

Although I don’t really see the similarity, a lot of people recommended In Flames to me because of it. Supposedly, ‘The Jester Race’ is an album which epitomises the ‘Gothenburg’ style of metal.

If this is seen as a classic I wouldn’t wanna know how an ‘average‘ Gothenburg album fairs.

Since everyone was making romance explosions over this album, I listened to it keenly trying to hear what exactly was so boner-enducing. Jesus, most of the time I got distracted by my grandpa gardening outside, who managed to be more arousing.

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Tom Delonge was once my idol - how embarrassing. I’d kick my 10 year old self in the face if I ever went back in time and saw him.

He was a tool when he was in Blink-182, but occasionally could be entertaining with poo and dick jokes.

Suddenly now since the formation of Angels and Airwaves, he reckons he’s Jesus, but without carpenting skills and much, much more of an asshole.

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I really, really tried to like this album. The plot, the special guests, as well as Ayreon being on the fore-front of progressive metal, it just sounded perfect to me. I was pretty dissapointed.

One of the biggest let-downs of the album is the female vocalists featuring in so many songs. I liked Ayreon’s Star One project, except the female vocalist(s) on there felt kind of over-used and awkward too. Compared to other Ayreon material, particularly ‘The Human Equation’, ‘01011001′ really doesn’t sound too different.
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I’m sure most of you weren’t even aware that a crazy frog album existed. I’m sorry to inform you but yes, it does.
I thought I could get away with the review on this album simply by mentioning it was by the ‘crazy frog’, yet upon listening to the album, I found more real justification.

The whole album is - wait before I go on, did anyone ever realise about crazy frog’s little chode? No one I ever mentioned it to noticed. Eventually on commercials, they censored it, though I’m skeptical whether it was actually censorship or for attention.
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2005 came the release of ‘All That I Am’, a collaboration of popular artists featuring on almost every track of Santana’s new album. With the well-praised release of Santana ft. Rob Thomas ‘Smooth’ in 1999/2000, maybe Carlos Santana thought that he could sustain this collaborative success in his latest album.

Throughout the years, you may have recognised Santana shredding it up on songs like ‘All the Love in the Universe’ or just cooking some spicy luscious latin ballads like ‘Black Magic Woman’, and think, “Damn, Santana’s a pretty rad dude”.

Well, not anymore. The colloboration effort success didn’t sustain, and the new album flatout stinks. Carlos Santana is one of those lads you’d think is ‘all about the music, man’. He gives off that native latin vibe … plus, he’s old and mexican.
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Imagine the shittest music you’ve ever heard. Now extend that it into a 20 minute song.

Once you’ve done that, you’re about 10% along the way to comprehending how bad ‘Sunn O)))’, a band popular in the doom/drone metal scene and their latest album ‘Black One’ is (the band is referred to as simply ’sunn’, the stupid sun symbol written in characters isn’t read).

I honestly don’t know where to start - The whole album is just a prolonged drone of distortion and random feedback noises. Every song sounds the same - literally. If watching fucking grass grow had a soundtrack, THIS would be it.
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Timbaland. Unless you live under a rock, his name is everywhere in mainstream music, often pre-eminent to the actual artist he produced.

To be honest, I was pretty impressed with his work on Justin Timberlake’s Futuresexx/Lovesounds, so I made the mistake of assuming his own album, “(Timbaland presents) Shock Value” would be of similair calibur.

I deserve to be shot in the nostrils.

Straight of the bat, we’re presented with the douchey gangster ‘Oh, Timbaland’. Continue Reading »

Over the past year, Daft Punk have been dominating people’ s expectations of their live shows, especially after such a poorly received studio release in ‘04.
I would know - My expectations were smashed when I went to see them live two weeks ago.
To this day, my eyes still remain red from being glazed over from the trippy light-show, and my ears still perpetually pound that Robot Rock chord 24/7.
The French duo’s manager Pedro Winter stated, “When we put out Human After All, I got a lot of bad feedback, like, ‘ It’s so repetitive. There’s nothing new. Daft Punk used to be good.’ Then they came back with the light show, and everyone shut their mouths… People even apologized”.
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You know that feeling in your throat after you’ve just slammed a massive shot of vodka?
It’s identical to the feeling I get when I think of the chili’s latest 2006 release, Stadium Arcadium.

The difference is, after the vodka you feel good. After listening to Stadium Arcadium, you put it in the backyard, and take a dump on it.
For the record, The Red Hot Chili Pepper’s are one of my favourite bands. Unfortunately, they’ve managed to make such a humongously terrible album, I have no choice but to review it.

To truly comprehend the level of faeces smushed into the album, we should go back in time to 1991. Only one thing happened that year - the chili’s released ‘Blood Sugar Sex Magik’. Like ‘Stadium Arcadium’, it was packed with two kinds of songs:
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Blackout- It’s what i experienced after being overwhelmed in pain listening to this album. Britney seems to have exhausted her past image of innocent and virgin and capitalises on her image as a freakshow.

Spokesperson Teresa LaBarbera from her record company claims: “She was very involved in the songs and how they turned out. It’s her magic that turns these songs into what they are”. If thats true, no wonder the songs suck dong. Continue Reading »