Those girls aren’t having fun dancing. They’re laughing at you for buying this album.

For starters, I’m a pretty mainstream kind of electro/house person. I haven’t really bothered to look for quality less-known music of the genre, I tend to just get whatever my friends tell me to. I hate people like myself.

But from what I DO know of, I can gather this: The Annual 2008 from Ministry isn’t worth the cover it’s packaged in. I’d rather sit in a circle of pretentious old prudes talking about knitting socks than break it down to this sorry excuse for a dance album.

I haven’t done this yet - but let’s do it track by track. Or until I’ve proved my point:

Ida Corr vs Fedde Le Grand - Let Me Think About It: What an awful way to start off the review for an album that sucks, with a track that rocks. Cool riff, funky and a little bit jazzy too. At least fedde hasn’t let me down.

The Creeps - It doesn’t matter, every fucking song is the same: How many mixs of their stupid hit can they make? I’m incredibly sick of hearing this on EVERY compilation and party.

thecreeps.mp3

Samim - Heater: Just because it’s incorporating an accordion, doesn’t make it unique, hip original. Boring song with annoying smiling douches in the video clip.

This club is going OFF!

Dave Armstrong & Redroche Feat H-Boogie - Love is Gone: Oh cool, I thought when I saw ‘Love is Gone’ on the tracklist. It came on the radio in the car the other day and I thought it was pretty good. Wait, this sucks, what the hell is this? This isn’t David Guetta’s ‘Love is Gone’ - It’s some woman singing over a soft-beat with crappy keys in the background, PRIME filler and song skipping material.

Carl Kennedy Feat Roachford - Ride the Storm: Carl Kennedies dirty electro cover of Led Zeppelin’s ‘Babe I’m Gonna Leave You’ is shlicker than a slovakian sausage. Ride the Storm? A correlation in my head thought maybe he’s covering some of Deep Purple’s Material from ‘Stormbringer’. Lesson learnt: Never hope, it only leaves room for disappointment.

Claude VonStroke: The Whistler: I always wondered what the original Whistler was like, since I’d only known Aston Shuffle’s mix from Sessions Four. My wondering days have come to an end, and I’ve found a song that encapsulates watching paint dry. The original version is like someone whispering the song to your ear. Aston Shuffles mix is like a deathwall of upbeat rythm and bass steamrolling your nipples.

DADA Feat Sandy Rivera & Trix - Lollipop: House music is no stranger to sexual innuendo. But seriously:

I’ll lick your - icecream. And you lick my lollipop.

Who the fuck refers to a vagina as icecream? Probably the same idiots who refer to this album as ‘good‘.