By now, you might’ve heard Calvin Harris hit single ‘Acceptable in the 80’s’ . It’s a pretty sweet song - unfortunately, it’s the candy you eat before someone tells you it came from sheep semen. In this context, the sheep semen is Calvin Harris’s debut album, except much more salty and even stickier.The album is plagued with poor instrumentals, cringy lyrics, recycled riffs and a lame-retro vibe.The whole album apart from a standout track is factory-churned electro. I just couldn’t help but get the impression he just couldn’t be fucked making quality songs on his album and rather went on image and the success of his singles, ‘Acceptable in the 80’s’ and ‘The Girls’ instead.A prime example of this laziness is the riff of ‘Vegas’ which is ridiculously reminiscent of ‘Acceptable’.acceptableinthe80s.mp3 vegas.mp3Poor, poor effort. Lots of the songs on the album has Calvin’s irritating geeky voice such as ‘Neon Rocks’ makes the album go very, very slow when you just want it to be over.’The Girls’ for instance, opens with the cheesetastic verses of:

I like dem black gurlsI like dem white gurlsI like dem asian gurlsI like dem mixed-race gurls. 

If you think that looks painful, I beg of you please don’t listen to the actual song. When the song comes on the radio, My heart skips as I try to change the station before the verses come in, changing back only when the funky chorus comes in.

I like dem sexy gurls.

I can see the value of this album as a trendy piece of dance with a retro-disco vibe, but It could’ve been done much better with some originality and featuring a different singer occasionally. ‘Electro Man’ serves as the cringing ballad fodder of this album. The ingredients of an annoying buzzy synth, grand piano chords and the lyrics make a piss and flies electro sandwich any disco douchebag would enjoy.

“Electro man, electronic man. Electro man, electronic woman

I’ve been outside wearing my device”.

Poor, poor effort.

Finally, I’d love to claim credit for this myself, but I’ll quote a line from strangeglue’s review which made me laugh:

“Disco should stay dead and buried. Why does Calvin Harris seem bent on dragging up its crusty rat infested corpse?”